The World Wants You To Shrink, Will You Let It?

Take up space, girl. Say what you need to say, do what you need to do. Stop shrinking yourself to make other people comfortable.

I haven’t had the time to write as much as I’d like because I’ve been busy, busy with exams, busy with life. You know? You know how it is when life just keeps on life-ing? No break, no interlude.

But I knew I couldn’t let the international women’s day go without saying something.

I remember sitting in class one day with a question at the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it. I don’t even know why. Maybe I thought it was dumb. Maybe I was worried about sounding too eager. So I kept quiet. And then, five minutes later, a guy asked the exact same question and got praised for it. I sat there, wondering, “why didn’t I just ask?” I’ll be honest with you, it’s happened more than once, more than I’d like to admit.

You see, I think the problem is, we’re taught from a young age to play it small.

“Don’t be too much. Don’t be too loud. You’ll scare the men away”.

So we grow up feeling like we have to make ourselves palatable always. We dim our light so we don’t shine too brightly. But for what? What’s the reward for all that shrinking? The approval of people who only feel comfortable when you’re less than you actually are? That’s not a prize oh, it’s a trap.

Have you seen the kind of audacity men have? They’ll go for whatever it is they want, whether it’s a job or woman, no matter how ridiculously underqualified they are. They don’t sit around overthinking whether they deserve it.

So girl, why can’t you do the same?

Deep down, you know what you want. You might pretend you don’t, you might second-guess yourself, but you know.

I see guys on Twitter (now X) all the time, confidently explaining something completely wrong to people. They speak without doubt in their voices, without any hesitation. And then there’s me, over-explaining and second-guessing things I actually do know. Why?

I know it’s not as easy as saying it. Sometimes, taking up space means setting boundaries that make people feel uncomfortable, or walking away from situations that no longer serve you. Sometimes, it means saying “no” even when everyone is used to hearing you say “yes”. It means speaking up, even when your voice shakes, going after the things you really want, even when it feels scary. And sometimes, it means allowing yourself to be seen. Fully. Without watering yourself down.

I used to worry about being “too much.” Too opinionated, too ambitious, too outspoken. But I’ve realized that the more you show up as yourself, the more permission you give others to do the same. The more you take up space, the more you inspire other women to do the same.

In the past year, one of the women who has inspired me most is Millie Odhiambo, a politician from Kenya. You might know her from that popular clip where she says “Good girls never get the corner office”.

Now, that’s a woman that takes up space! A woman that makes herself seen. She stands up for women’s rights and makes her opinions heard even when it’s inconvenient for her. She forces everyone to hear her. Whew! What a woman!

As we celebrate International Women’s Day, I want you to remember this; You are not a side character in your own life.

I got that from rewatching The Holiday recently. From the scene where Arthur tells Iris that even though she’s obviously a leading lady, she behaves like the best friend. That line stung!!!

Because how many of us do that? We stand in the background while life happens to us. We hold ourselves back, afraid of being too much.

So if you need a reminder, here it is: You’re not the best friend who’s just there to support, to be nice, to not take up too much space.

You’re not just here to exist in the background. You are the main event. The leading lady. The protagonist.

So start living like it! Say the thing, even when your voice shakes. Apply for the those things you think are out of your league. Walk into every single room like you belong.

Happy International Women’s Day! (in advance) ❤️❤️

How do you plan to “take up space” moving forward? Share with me in the comments! I’ll be waiting.

PS: If you like this blog, you’ll love what I plan to share in my private space. Plus, you get to be in my inner circle and this would definitely come with some perks. Click here 🔗 to join!