I’m Nice, Until You Push It

If we don’t say “no” when our boundaries are crossed, we teach others that it’s okay to disrespect us and we slowly start to internalize that lack of respect ourselves.

Are you a “nice person” or are you just a pushover?

On a recent trip, I had an experience that had me thinking of all the times I should’ve stood up for myself instead of letting things slide.

So someone had taken my assigned seat, the corner seat I specifically paid for. When I asked her to move over, she refused. The only seat left was the middle seat, her actual seat, but clearly less desirable. So, I stood my ground. I wanted to be comfortable too. Yet, everyone else in the vehicle seemed to expect me to just take it to avoid making a scene.

To be honest, in the past, I probably would’ve caved. I would’ve taken the middle seat, and told myself it “wasn’t worth the trouble”. But this time, I asked myself: Why am I the one expected to compromise? I wasn’t trying to cause drama, I just wanted the seat I had paid for. Comfort matters to me too.

Standing my ground, however, seemed to make the other passengers uncomfortable. Someone even tried to guilt trip me into just letting it go, as if I was in the wrong for asserting my boundaries. The girl who refused to move wasn’t apologetic. She didn’t have a valid reason for deciding she deserved the better seat. She was just entitled.

The entire experience got me wondering if this is more of a cultural issue in Nigeria: confusing humility for weakness or passivity. People seem to believe that being humble means having no boundaries, always yielding, even to unreasonable demands. There’s this expectation to avoid conflict at all costs, even when you’re being wronged. If you keep quiet, you’re “respectful”, if you speak up, you’re “troublesome”. And don’t even get me started if your bully is an older person. The more the age gap, the more toxic the situation is.

I just think true humility has to do with understanding your worth and respecting yourself while maintaining respect for others. Setting boundaries isn’t a sign of pride or stubbornness, it’s just self-respect.

When I refused to accept the lesser seat, I wasn’t trying to be argumentative or make anyone uncomfortable, I was simply enforcing a boundary. If we don’t say “no” when our boundaries are crossed, we teach others that it’s okay to disrespect us and we slowly start to internalize that lack of respect ourselves.

I’m speaking from years of allowing people cross lines they never should’ve been near in the first place.

You can assert yourself without being aggressive, you can protect your interests without trampling on anyone else’s. Stand firm when it matters, but also know when to let go of things that truly don’t.

For me, that moment on the trip was about more than just the seat. I wasn’t going to start my year by letting people walk over me. I was making a statement to myself, that my comfort, my rights, and my boundaries matter too. I was a refusing to continue a cycle where people take advantage simply because they can. This is a habit I’m intentionally working on and I’m glad I stood my ground because I eventually got my corner seat.

Moral of the story? Stop giving people the license to take advantage of you. Humility can coexist with assertiveness.

The next time you’re in a similar situation, ask yourself: Am I letting this go because it truly doesn’t matter? Or am I compromising because I’ve been conditioned to believe my boundaries aren’t worth enforcing?

Or what do you think? Have you ever faced a similar situation where you had to choose between standing your ground and avoiding conflict? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

34 Comments

    • Kia ora, Hello Michael from New zealand, interesting topic because I understand the risk involved when it comes to conflict in some cases to the point manipulation seems to be always a tactic to me that in experience I’m no new comer or learner to your concepts however in saying this in all due respect let me also not to mention interagation along with manipulation tactics many use to perhaps have total opposite to the many misunderstandings how many take advantage of perhaps justifying the respectful genuine nature of our boundries we put in place aswell as the morals I’ve seen many who use power control in many cases like yours above many people here in new zealand are far more unattainable to giving you any remorse or benefit to explain for is Understanding, I think there is a process to accomplishing the many disadvantages regardless of the situation because I know the consequences I use the avoid conflict, walk away or the biggest weapon against many narccisst and power controlling regardless I do not take it very lightly to the many who in my experiences partake in nobody’s attitude of disrespecting , eye for an eye after processing the end of there many disrespecting I like to use methods that disarm there bad attitude bad intentions power control etc…to make them see there worth of how they go about disrespecting others I’ve seen many aswell as that lady who thought she had the right could easily end her career

  5. Omgg this is so relatable!
    I learnt a thing or two from this and I’m definitely putting it to practice!!

  6. Totally support you, knowing when to say no is very crucial else you wouldn’t even have a boundary talk more of people crossing it. I have been in similar situations with the closest being on my Induction day, elderly Rev sister told me I wasn’t trained well at home for refusing to offer her my sit. I mean on my special day she was insisting I should stand throughout the program nd give her my sit. I said in my mind “do you know you are here because of me”. But then I offered my sit to someone else temporarily, someone who didn’t demand for it.

    Just to add, being humble is also listening to reason. Atimes in a bid to be assertive we lose our ability to listen. Even though she demanded for my sit, I could have asked her why she thinks she needed it more than me, if the reason makes sense I would gladly do it.
    Firmly believe you can be humble with a touch of assertiveness…. if it does exist 😅

  7. Situations sometimes prevail on ones value judgement and therefore reactions. While some should be allowed to slide if avoidable some shouldn’t if it’s worth the scene creation.
    Letting it go could be matrimonial, ceremonial, societal etc
    The path to peace is always most preferable (the peacemakers will inherit the earth)
    Letting things go most times show a higher level of maturity and respect for oneself.
    I therefore encourage it even though it’s sometimes mistaken for fear or foolishness by people of little exposures and education

  8. From a woman that has been called “rude” “aggressive” “strict” all her life- this was such a good read.

    I found strength knowing you cannot bully or silence me. Believe me or not, it is very much okay to not be the bigger person as people expect.

    Life is peaceful 🙂‍↔️

    • Yeah, people don’t really like it when they’re told not to overstep their boundaries. I’m glad you know that those labels are not you and that you stand your ground regardless 🫶
      Eventually, they get the message and back off.

  9. If i have the right to something i am taking it. One should always try to please themselves but at the same time think of others

  11. It’s always good for one to stand up for his/her right but must do so with wisdom & native intelligence.
    I have had similar cases in 1982 when I was just flying in an aircraft & most recently on 1st Dec 2024.
    My widow seat in an aircraft was forcefully taken by a bully old man. I stood for my right. When we were unable to settle I involved the cabin crew who ruled in my favour & the bully old was man was aken to another widow seat. I won.
    The last case involved my trip to Lagos. I booked front seat in a Siena car to Lagos, but before I reached the park, another man has taken over the seat. When I stood up for my right it was found out that the man who did the booking did not communicate to the loader.
    But when the younger man saw our age difference, he willingly gave up. That is using ones native intelligence.
    Every case cannot be the same to insist on ones right.
    Hope I made myself clear .
    God bless your new endeavour.

  12. In the past, I have always stood up for my rights regardless of whose ox is gored. But getting older, I have realized that sometimes you loose some arguments for peace to reign. But you should never be a pushover just for the sake of peace.
    I have also been in a situation like this when I was much younger, in uni even. I flatly refused to give up my seat for an older man whose daughter was also in the same vehicle, but didn’t give up her seat. She and others called me disrespectful, but I couldn’t care less. Someone eventually gave up their seat for me 😂
    What a drama

    • Maybe I should’ve made the title “get up from my sit!” because it seems like a lot of people have experienced this.
      Also, I’m not surprised you didn’t cave, It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you ❤️

  13. Yeah. Nigerians have been conditioned to compromise on their stance by their elders. I remember being tagged rude for emphasizing on being respected and not bullied by people. I hope and I’m happy people learn and understand with this

  14. As it should be. People often take advantage of people who are humble or try to avoid trouble, it’s good you stood your ground and it paid off because you eventually got your seat.

  15. There are times that we truly do need to stand for something, even if we don’t “carry the field” at the end of the day we did what we know was right.

    Compromise should be a middle ground when it is the choice, neither party should get their 100% way “Nor gree for anybody”, or it is giving in and not compromise, giving in is fine also and deserves reciprocity.

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